Pregnancy Loss · TAC Process

TAC Recovery Day 6

What in the flu, I’m full on sick now. Yesterday’s sore throat was joined by a cough, headache, congestion, fatigue, and low grade fever. Usually I’d suffer through this illness with little complaint but I’m a bit concerned that it’s happened so soon after my surgery. I’ve emailed Dr Haney with this news, just in case this is something more serious that I should be seen for.

I took some Dayquil this morning that managed the symptoms well enough for me to make a good try of catching up with bar exam preparation. But by the time Jason got home from work, the symptoms were back with a vengeance, and I had developed a fever. I’ve just taken another dose of medication, so here’s to hoping it helps me sleep through the night.

I’m not sure if its the illness or just the normal flow of grief, but I’ve been in my feelings a bit today. I don’t quite know how to explain it, but when I look back on my pregnancy with Omie, I feel like I never actually expected to bring him home. I’m not sure if this is hindsight talking, but the whole pregnancy seems surreal to me now. Maybe this is my heart’s way of coping, for now. But regardless, I do miss him, every day. Sometimes the grief is closer, heavier, and sometimes its just a whisper in the background, but Omie, and Noah, are always here with me. Always. My heart longs for them, for what could have been, and it longs for another, for the future I dream of and keep faith in. I’m not sure yet what’s to come, but I damn sure hope its better than what’s passed.

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