Pregnancy Loss

do date

Today is the big one, Omie’s due date – May 20, 2019. 5-20-19. The twentieth of May, in the year of our Lord two thousand and ninteteen. And instead of holding him in arms, either newborn or a few weeks or months old, all I hold is my hopes & dreams & memories of my sweet boy. I don’t have the words to articulate how tragic & traumatic this reality is.

We’ve chosen to do something special with this day. Thus the blog title – we are going to “do” a lot together, to celebrate what today means. (Am I doing mom humor right?) After Omie died, Jason & I both knew that we would need something to do on this day. We had some extra money saved up (because hey we were expecting to have to provide for a baby) so we decided to use some of that money on a vacation for us. Today, we’re headed on a cruise out of Florida to the Cayman Islands and Mexico. We’ll return from our vacation on May 25, the first anniversary of Noah’s “birthday,” the day we found out he had died and I started miscarrying. It’s a whole week of special days and we’re going to spend it all together.

Jason & I are going to spend the next five days doing anything & everything we need to do – remembering, forgetting, celebrating, crying & laughing & living our lives as loss parents. We’ve booked fun excursions for our days at port, with plenty of lazy time while at sea. This trip isn’t meant to be a way to “run away” from Omie or Noah, but rather a way for us to spend dedicated time together, as a couple and as parents, to celebrate our boys’ lives, everything they were and could have been.

I have no expectations for today, at all. I know it may be the hardest day yet, since losing Omie, or it may be surprisingly “normal,” maybe even happy. I’m just letting myself feel everything I need to feel, and take every moment as it comes. If you have some time today, please pray for us, as we continue to walk this path and put our trust in God alone, and pray for our sons, as they enjoy the comfort of our Heavenly Father.

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