It’s really shitty to feel like you have to put trigger warnings on your entire reality after pregnancy/baby loss. Societal stigma forces so many parents to suffer their losses in silence, and prevents the rest of us from sharing cherished stories, pictures, etc. of our little ones. I’ve seen it everywhere, all across social media, sweet families who include things like “Trigger Warning – photos of stillborn child” or “photos of baby at young gestation” or “mention of lost baby/pregnancy.” To each their own, but I’m not going to protect anybody from the fact that my son lived and died.
It’s been nearly 4 weeks since Omie arrived, and today is the FIRST time that I shared a photo of him publicly. Not because I was ashamed of him or wanted to keep his pictures private, but because I was so worried that somebody, some person without any compassion or grace, would say something rude, would tell me that seeing my baby bothered them or made them feel uncomfortable. I know how fragile I am in my mourning, and I didn’t want to invite that kind of hurt into my heart.
“People don’t want to see pictures of your dead baby.”Someone actually said this to my fellow loss momma Abbey – her son Evan passed two days before Omie did
But today, I decided that I don’t care what those people think or what people might say. I would much rather be like every other mom, sharing cute photos & snaps of my son growing every day and hanging with his dad, but I don’t get to do that. That was taken from me. I have exactly 108 photos of Omie from the moment I found out I was pregnant to the moment he passed away – and that includes ultrasound pictures, bump photos, and the like. One hundred and eight. Can you imagine your child’s entire life distilled to so few photos? I will always, always regret that we didn’t take more pictures.
So I’m going to share the photos of my son like any other mom would, because despite the fact that Omie is in Heaven, I am still his momma. Why is it so socially unacceptable for me to celebrate my little boy? I won’t hide him away and pretend he never existed, just because other people have their own fears and issues regarding baby/pregnancy loss. And yes, I will continue to blog about him, talk about him, and do whatever I need to do to survive this loss and celebrate his life. The world may not revolve around me and my grief, but my world, my entire life, is dedicated to my precious boys and their daddy.
If that bothers you, if you need a trigger warning to make my reality a little less awkward, then I highly recommended that you unfollow/unfriend/block me or whatever you need to do. I don’t say this with any malice – I honestly don’t mind, I won’t hold it against you or call you out, but I truly don’t want people in my life who can’t love and support me in my grief, who are too uncomfortable to embrace this new reality with me. #endrant